What is a love language? Is it different from the language we use to converse every day with our friends and families?
The answer is yes. Unlike English, Japanese, or Spanish, love languages are the ways we feel loved and appreciated by our partners, friends, and families. They are developed by Dr. Garry Chapman in his book, The 5 Love Languages.
Everyone has a different way to love. Sometimes, we feel like we’re not appreciated enough. Other times, our partners feel disconnected from us because we couldn’t speak to their hearts.
So, how did Dr. Chapman came up with this idea? Dr. Chapman was a well-famed marriage and couple counselor. After years of counseling, he found that most couples’ fallbacks stem from a misunderstanding of their needs. From there, he developed 5 kinds of love languages, which are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
‘‘The likelihood that your partner's love language is the same is unlikely. So, when couples have different primary languages, there are bound to be misunderstandings,’‘ he stated. Hence, understanding your partner’s love language is essential for a happier relationship.
Wondering what kind of love language helps you and your partner thrive? Read on for a complete guide and example.
Words of Affirmation
Speaking true to its name, this love language expresses love with words that build up your partner’s confidence. It doesn’t have to be complicated because every compliment counts, even the shortest and simplest ones.
Conversely, negative comments or insults will hurt your partner the most. There’s a big chance that they’ll have a hard time forgiving your words.
Having a partner with a different mother tongue? Well, show your love to them by talking to them in their language. This shows that you care about them enough to learn and deliver your feelings in a language they understand.
Wondering where to start learning? LingoTalk provides online language learning with up to 10 language choices. The class is fully online, with a range of professional tutors that will help you into fluency. Additionally, LingoTalk curriculum focuses on conversational skill, making it even more suitable for you who wants to converse with your partner in their mother tongue.
- ‘‘You looked fantastic today’‘
- ‘‘Thank you for taking care of me’‘
- ‘‘You always know how to make me laugh’‘
- ‘‘That outfit looks wonderful on you’‘
- ‘‘I love you’‘
Acts of Service
‘‘Action speaks louder than words.’‘
Ever heard of that phrase?
If your partner is a firm believer in that, their love language is most likely acts of service.
Acts of service express itself by doing the things your partner love. For example, helping them with chores, cooking their favorite meal, driving them to work, and many others. Of course, always do it with love and your partner’s utmost happiness in mind.
Doing it out of obligation or negative tone is another thing entirely.
Similar to words of affirmation, spending your time and energy to learn your partner’s mother tongue is an immeasurable act of service. This shows that you deeply care about them and want to understand their origin and culture. LingoTalk is the perfect place where you can master a new language with our conversation-focused curriculum and flexible schedule that is designed to suit your needs.
- Waking up the baby
- Driving them to work
- Cooking their favorite dish
- Learning to speak their mother tongue
- Doing the dishes
It is important to note that people with gifts as their love language isn’t necessarily materialistic. This love language means that they feel especially loved and appreciated the most when you give them a thoughtful gift.
Gifts here doesn’t have to be grand such as concert ticket or cruise holiday. It can be meaningful gestures such as buying them ice cream or gifting them their favorite book.
When it comes to people with gift-giving as their love language, a missed special occasion can be something very hurtful.
- Picking up their favorite ice cream after work
- Giving flowers during an anniversary
- Gifting them new shoes
- Treating them to their favorite concert
- Bringing them their favorite book
This love language expresses itself through undivided attention to your partner. This means putting down the cell phone, turning off the tablet, and giving them all of your attention during conversations.
Usually, people with quality time as their love language highly values quality over quantity. A partner who is easily distracted and is a bad listener is the biggest pitfall for this kind of lover.
- No cellphone during a dinner date
- Spending the weekend watching a movie inside
- Taking an evening walk together
- Making eye contacts during conversations
- Paying attention to their story
Partners with physical touch as their love languages don’t necessarily into over-the-top PDA, but they feel most loved and connected by holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc.
If your partner’s love language is physical touch, they will require you to be close by, not just emotionally, but also physically. The absence of touch can make them feel isolated and unloved.
- Hugging when you meet each other
- Holding hands during hangouts
- Giving back hugs
- Touching their arms
- Giving them massage when they feel tired
What Is Your Love Language?
Understanding your partner’s love languages is important for a happy and fulfilling relationship. Remember, a healthy relationship wasn’t born, but cultivated from mutual understanding and effort.
Wondering your love language? Check out this 5 love languages quiz to discover more about you and your partner!